I’m tired of the heart break you said as we sat face to face on the F train heading North below the snow frozen streets during a winter that reminded that two of us Just how lonely we are but also how much we love each other
From phone calls to Shots Beach sand Bike rides When the bottom fell out of my life we found Each other This year and this poem is for you From classmates to best friends to sisters to Soul mates To the person I can trust who brings me joy that I refuse to do without I will not let you slip through the cracks I will drive you forward We will laugh on the platform Speed through this city as our dreams move though our veins Like the dust of our past selves I love you now and forever This poem is for you. Valentines Day 2014 Our first female icon
Mother of our country We have come a long way from shapeless robes and silent lips To skin tight curves screaming protests from drunken drowning mouths Our women Our lady The first and last of her kind She takes she takes She holds Never gives back or Responds to the weight that fills her belly Is our country full? The vast spread west to the heartland Where is our space? Can we sacrifice our space? Our vacation getaways A New Yorkers moment of seeing the horizon 360 degrees round She takes she takes Does she see? If we look into her eyes would they look back, ask something of us? Or would they be blank? Has her light long since gone out Was it ever lit to begin with? Summer 2013 *this piece was performed on the Liberty Island Ferry as par of Poets in Unexpected Places (PUP) PART I
I love you. Did I say that? Sorry. I mean...I’m not sorry. Never mind. I loved you then. Too. When I said it before. Then and I love you now. Differently. Not alone. Good. The beauty in my life is just that without the edge of something missing. You know? No. Ok. You there? Good. I feel your sleepy breathing through the day. I know where you are while I’m awake. Makes it easier. Still hurts. Constantly. A small dense circle in my chest. Right where breath meets muscle. I feel you in the sheets, the walls, the sink. We round the year to familiar places I recognize you in the seasons. Sketch your face…I know you better now. I want you to know, today I love you. Remember a few weeks ago you couldn’t articulate, find words for forever? I’m here now…I know what it…I’m with you…in that place… another drop in the bucket. PART II My descent into madness was slow. I did not go quiet, as they say, but it was quiet. Sinking lower as if 10,000 feet under water, 10,000 feet, 10,100 feet, 10,200 feet Body shaking breath foreign gasses see foreign things Ripping I repair one part with another Artfully cutting you out trying not to die on the table. The balance of wills battle Waters rush in Fill the hole that’s shaped like you Reclaim the space that smells like you. Uncover the parts I’d put away foolishly thinking they had gone forever Finding them wrapped in tissue paper Dusty armor from the closet and butterflies back to my stomach. My one regret Of my newfound insanity I can’t pick up the goddamn phone, just to call you. You are everywhere but all I have left is that ghost of you. I can’t wait for you to remember. Can’t. Trust is broken again. Not worth the cost of building again. I wash your clothes in the sink, hang them over the bath to drip. Fall 2013 Every Sunday
5th Floor walk down Arms lifting his swollen legs Shuffle and drag Shuffle and drag Sliding down fake marble stairs Every Sunday he descends 100 small challenges Takes him hours Every Sunday He gets down Breathe the fresh city air Under the tree canopy see the sky between buildings Time lapse Camera speeds around him He ascends Nobly He ascends Patience Knows he will get there Has to get there One-foot drag At a time Nobody helps him They think to but Every Sunday Halfway up halfway down Spring 2012 When you stop hurting
When the links between brain and memory break or bend or stall or go out When you start thinking about something else When you find yourself in another place When you find someone to talk to When the salt runs dry When the weather warms and the rains come When it all come crashing down When you melt again When you find the words When you run the race When you get distracted When you remember When its over When you build When you find a reason When you get angry When you shout and scream throw things explode Dear Heart Winter 2013 |
P.L.DI write because my emotions are not, always, accessible. I write because sometimes I’m confused and I need to work things out. I write because it feels good. I often write to keep from saying too much. .. Archives
June 2015
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