I have big dreams. I have big dreams that touch the sky. Life; a series of trains that left the stations and never came back on a return trip. Opportunities that went to somebody else and men that I still have hope will ask me out for a drink. Its evenings like this one, the rare occasion that I let myself curl up under the quilt I got in high school to feel the stillness.
Fill my days; run from the moment it all catches up with me so I can realize how much I want. Feels good, right? Wanting. Too good? Pretend it’s not a problem, pretend I am strong, I can wait, it will happen, it is fine, it doesn’t make sense; working myself in circles. Labyrinth wall around me until its nights like these when I can feel it vibrating from my toes to short hair how bad I want and it scares. Wanting. Right? Then I have something to cry about. Then it might be time to get angry. Risks might be taken. Mistakes might be make. Can I be brave? Look to that day with no regrets, when I can look back and say, “Yeah I did alright”. Winter 2014 It’s not the impact it’s the damages
Cellular body count Brian death Emotional scar tissue Contact With that delicate wall No sensors or protection Exposed in space Rebuild it But what if a piece of the wall flies backwards Collision course with what it’s protecting What if it punctures? What can’t be fixed with brick and mortar becomes An irrevocable hole in human stuff Spring 2012 I’m happy I’m optimistic
I’m happy I fall in love I’m happy I fall out of love I’m happy I get hurt I’m happy I do it again I’m happy I look at their pictures too much I’m happy I text them when I shouldn’t I’m happy they leave me smiling, electric I’m happy I have to tell myself no, twice I’m happy the last thing I do before sleep drowns me, sometimes, is cry I’m happy I sweat it out and feel it the next day I’m happy “thoughts of you could give me smile lines” gets me every time I’m happy I look for answers in music I’m happy I imagine our first meeting I’m happy I feel sick when I realize it might never happen I’m happy for the mountains happy for the valleys so grateful for the light happy I’m a woman happy I fall in happy I fall out happy it hurts again pictures sleep electric twice smile music first mountains light fall again hurts twice fall Spring 2014 Switch flick
Light on in her insides Put a pearl cap on it It won’t escape in a word Or a look She felt mold forming Coating her tongue Patience wearing Through Like old jeans Spring 2012 Pull me down if you want to and I hope that you want to
Suffocate and drown me When I come up for air I'll count the scars and try to wear them with pride Have our moment Tear time fabric so delicate spider silk we unknowingly wove ourselves into It's tenuous It will split Let us rip it to pieces With teeth bared and hearts exposed Taste blood of yours on my lips as you Sink deep encircle me overwhelm me disappear me The fallout all too short all too soon Will unwrap us from delicate shells I imagined Make love to me tonight and it will be love in this moment When you come back I may not be here and you will most certainly not be free I beg for a future Shudder in a past But only ask for the now Kiss me hold me expose me destroy me I am beyond taken and lost We found met sucked vacuumed each other in At this moment because I needed you I think you needed me I want you Come to me in the dark and overwhelm me Winter 2014 |
P.L.DI write because my emotions are not, always, accessible. I write because sometimes I’m confused and I need to work things out. I write because it feels good. I often write to keep from saying too much. .. Archives
June 2015
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