And so it’s the “why” that wakes us up at night clawing from our dreams sometimes worse than our reality
The question a screaming asteroid towards our beds snap and our bones break Its scary isn’t it? I have a story but a long long time ago I didn’t think I did Still to the second I loose it sometimes Drowning beneath the pounds of dark future that surrounds us My life is not a struggle but I have a story In those days where I step by step keep pace with the beat of my heart Sensitive glass that cracks with comments that tare us with knives Somehow jokes don’t always feel so funny and we crawl back to our shells How dare you small person? As I struggle split ravage against the plastic I admit I am so afraid I’m walking a tight rope and once it runs out I won’t find myself free falling But standing on the side I didn’t want to be on The side secure I want to fall Rip my wings from my back and follow them down Someone catch me will you? Will we? Are you waiting for me? I have this story but there’s no way it’s as interesting as yours I have this story but behind my sheltered lens It couldn’t possibly be worth watching Fake it all and stand tall because I’ve got the brightest mask If it wasn’t a struggle then everything is always fine Right? I have a story and it starts with a phone call Go on, pick it up Find out who’s there Because on the other side you might find or remember who you are and why you spent five years building that brick cylinder stifling expansion and once the hair line crack was tapped your body melted from the heat of the sun and you slid through And so you lift up that phone because this is a story of a family that lost somehow Needed this because this family lived in a white house surrounded by trees And in the winter surrounded by snow And in the summer by grass And in the fall brown leaves But this was mid February not any particular February and remember I’m telling you this because it’s a story It is my story There is not a moral or message but I hope when you leave tonight you will remember it When the “why’s” wake you up or the sun melts your skin that you remember that you are not so alone Because this is a story about a family going for a long walk One foot in front of the other They walk from February to March and April and once April Goes by they realize that it’s been five years and they all forgot to stop walking even though nothing was after them Anymore They stop and they look at each other and they look different They look older And are breathing harder And behind there eyes is something new But when and how it got there and where it came from they don’t know Five years of walking can really change a person Don’t you think? Don’t think they’ve stopped because remember this is a story of a family that goes for a walk and one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other… They don’t stop because they don’t know what will happen if they do If one of them would stop would the world end? Would they all die? Would they have never existed? Will they realize there are more of them than they started with? Would everything be the same? Just stiller With the sun shinning and the four of them But remember they don’t know so they are still walking Fall 2014 Lost afternoons
Long naps Evening drinks Big news Bad mistakes Silent messages Procrastinating lists And more lists Laundry bags and season cleans Heart breaks and don’t let me go’s Come to me’s Getting what you wants and wishing for it all nights Shaking fear shaking cold shaking excitement shaking sick Sweating Sweating sex sweating cleanse sweating cold Redecorate rearrange feng shui Changing Staying the same Growing up growing down rooting stronger digging in Finding Turning back Turning wrong Moving on and spreading out New faces and new beginnings Challenges and unexpected Summer 2014 I don’t understand because when you shook my hand I saw a flash in your eyes that looked like waking up but was probably just the stars reflecting off the sky
I don’t understand because when we started talking you crouched down to my ground seated level so that your stars were staring straight at mine I don’t understand because I could feel you from every point of the crowded room and when you left the air felt dead and I just wanted to feel your sting again You like poetry and you respond to my messages I don’t understand because when you sauntered towards me on the platform by the C I felt small and nervous when you flashed a big smile I don’t understand because we couldn’t stop talking until we were forced to stop talking and started to listen and I wanted to reach out and touch I don’t understand because when it was over it was really over and you seemed sad to let me step off that train I don’t understand because I didn’t hear from you and had to ask where you were and when I finally found you the stars had gone out of your eye or the shades were pulled down over the light and we shared the most awkward hug Until you turned away I don’t understand because I didn’t feel like staying to say goodbye so I just left you there I don’t understand because you said it was nice to have made my acquaintance when what I wanted you to say was “can I see you again right now or tomorrow” I don’t understand because I slipped so far so fast Make up a life for everyone I see or I meet and nobody is making up a life for me I don’t understand because all I’m sensing is distance when there wasn’t even any closeness to fill it with in the first place I could share this with you but who want to put themselves out on a rafts that’s going nowhere I ‘d rather climb into the lake sink to the bottom and live in my dreams Power rests in waiting for them holding breath believing in them
Grinding bones straying thoughts trying hard to think of anything but them Body of body layered waiting for them Setting free falling still falling for them Waiting for the crash Cracking skull fracturing stone bottom of it all Sparkle mist that consumes our secrets takes faces we long to touch with it Bait and hook me I will pull that sucker out and watch you speed boat off into the distance You won’t look back My thrashing your only reminder One more swan dive of attention and the sunset swallows me whole Was that the glint of you eye or just the reflectors picking up the last light of day as I sink… Goodbye Summer 2014 New spaces form lines on your skin
Nesting nesting to survive Adjust and jumble what once was Holding to what is and gritting teeth it won’t all fall to pieces Somehow it fits you fit we fit and I stay here because it’s safe When I’m no longer feeling brave shaking to the brittle core of what I am made of I sway in the breath of your once solid voice as you those words slip away for solid good “Till next time” the prayer escapes my lips Whispers in your ears Nothing but echoes of one night long long ago in a far away dream when we were dark and secret Before the light scorched our summer skin leaving burns and freckles to remind us we loved once Hard and fast with no apologies or punishment with marks and reactions I can still feel your hot hands on me late at night in the quite in the still Before the break Before the fall After the rising In long remembrance of the dark Or in sight of the dark Or watching the dark from the back window as we drive Summer 2014 |
P.L.DI write because my emotions are not, always, accessible. I write because sometimes I’m confused and I need to work things out. I write because it feels good. I often write to keep from saying too much. .. Archives
June 2015
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